There is this point when you’re drinking, or taking anxiety pills, or whatever your particular mind-altering vice is when you reach this wonderful moment of lucidity, of clarity. It’s right between being so depressed and so ordinary and so down-right boring and being totally out of your fucking mind. It’s right before you start slurring your words when you speak, right before you can’t write a line without a typo, right before everything turns to complete and utter shit. In that fragile, fleeting state everything is A-Okay, Hunky-Dorry. It feels like everything is going to be alright. Sure, your life has become a tragic fall, a race to the bottom for the amusement of onlookers. Yet, this state, is magical. I’m in that state. I’ll be here for a few more brief moments, then the memories will return, crashing down with a force so strong that only reality and truth can cause such damage. But right now. I’m at peace. Let me stay here for just a while longer. Please don’t make me go back out there again. I’m comfortable RIGHT HERE. Right now.

And that’s how I know this is a serious problem…. When I want to stay in this euphoric moment. When I start thinking of when I can get there again safely. Safely. I’m still concerned for my safety. That’s got to be good, right? RIGHT??!!!

Great… now I’ve lost the moment… Not to worry… It’ll be okay again soon enough.

Tags: Life