Life. Life is happening all around me. Constantly. It doesn’t even really need to be said, but here I am, saying it anyways. Maybe because all I’ve been doing these past few months is just taking notice. And that’s even when I can be bothered to do that. Sometimes, actually, I take great pains to try to not take notice. I try to disappear, just fade away, making as little of an impact on everyone and everything as possible.

The only reason I’m writing is because I’m waiting for the internet to come back up and I refuse to sleep. It’s 2:30am, but I refuse to go to sleep.

Relationships of all sorts have been strained. I can only think that I’ve been orchestrating this whole thing: the organized, chaotic downfall of my life. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Everything reminds me of something painful. Every breath I take is labored. I inhale shards of my past that cut me inside- deep, gaping wounds, and exhale despair. I wish for release. I curse myself for not being able to administer that release myself.

Tags: Life